2 Funerals, A School Uniform, and Cows in Trucks

The host 'rents...

Well, I never thought this day would come. I have officially attended a funeral in sweats and a T-shirt. My, "Math Puns are the first Sine of Insanity" t-shirt, to be precise. Whoot-whoot. Go me. Another point for Thailand. Which, by the way, is currently kicking my ass...

See, Gift and I were sitting around (She was creating an Avatar; I was reading Harry Potter Fan Fiction) when my host dad came in, said something and motioned somewhere. Gift nodded and got up, preparing to leave the room. “Uh, where are you going?...” She looked at me, and said very casually, “A funeral.” WHAT. “Uh… What?? Like, a funeral. Like, for dead people…” I was so surprised I almost busted out laughing. She nodded, but I still thought she was kidding. “So…Who died?” “My cousin’s Grandmother.” “Your cousin’s… grandma?” “Yeah.” “Okay. Well, what should I wear?” “Black,” She nodded, “All black.” Whoops. “Um… I don’t have any black.” She looked incredulous, “You don’t have any black?” (Like hell I brought black! I thought, your country is hot enough to poach eggs on the street! You think I’m going to walk around wearing BLACK?? Ha.) On second thought though… I dug around my measly wardrobe and came up with the sweats and the shirt. The family approved, but I still felt underpar. I mean, I was going to a funeral dressed in something I would otherwise workout it. Oh, and my white Nike slip-ons because I didn't have any black shoes... Geez. I sure know how to pack...

As it turned out though, what I was wearing was not a big deal at all. I don't think anyone in Thailand has much black. The actual funeral itself, was a very distinct mix of ornate and modern day electronics. There were monks chanting/praying (I have a feeling that by the end of this exchange, I will roll my eyes, scoff and mutter, 'Monks...' under my breath everytime I see one. Seriously, they are EVERYWHERE here. But I digress...) and there were also huge speakers blasting Thai music. There was a very ornate box (the 'coffin' if you will), covered in christmas lights, incense burning, and large embellished cotten-looking decorations hanging from the wall, still wrapped in plastic wrap (Gift told me afterwards that the family will burn them). During dinner, (where apparently my reputaion as a spice-wimp proceeded me, as they made me my own personal platter of non-spicy pork. Oh, joy.) I examined the huge metal box with the carvings all over it, and turned to my host mom and asked if the body was in there. She nodded. "Yes, but how did they fit her in there... Did they fold her up, or something?" (Sigh. Yes, I actually said that.) She laughed, "We... small..." Oh. Duh. Obviously, the cuz's gram fit in the ridiculously tiny box. Only in a land where I am as tall or taller than most of the men, and the little old ladies are dwarves, would this happen. At any rate, this event occured on Friday night.

Saturday, we went to get my school uniform. I slipped the skirt and blouse on and walked out of the dressing room, after sweating most of my water weight off. They all laughed. Seriously? I thought. I mean, I knew I looked like a bloated secretary, but laughter? I looked down at myself. Okay, it was kinda funny. I learned a few moments later though, that they were laughing because the skirt was inches too short. It came to my knees, when it was supposed to fall on my calves. When I was changing back out of it, I noticed that everything I tried on was all 'XL' or, like, the largest size they had there. Note to all females: If you have body confidence issues, do NOT buy clothes in Thailand. You will feel, and look, like the Jolly Green Giant.

This morning, Khun Mae banged on my door at 9:30. I crawled out of bed and slinked to the door, peering out into the heat and sunshine. She basically told me I had 30 min. to shower and change because we were going. Only, not in so many words. It was mostly motioning and I really had no idea what she was saying. At 9:45, we were loaded into the car. "Uh, Gift, where exactly are we going? No one will tell me..." She looked at me. "A funeral." This time, I actually laughed. "What?? Someone else died?? Does this happen often??" (While I was secretly thinking, Geez. The people over here are dropping like flies...) This time, I was wearing dark blue jeans and a white top. I had claimed my black clothing was dirty, before. Which, was half true.

I would like to inturrupt my tale for a moment, and talk about a curious sight I kept wittnessing on our drive. Cows in trucks. It must be the season to transport cows, because there were literally, cows in trucks. We must have passed about a dozen of these regular-sized (sometimes smaller) trucks, with the sides built up, and stuffed full of cows. They were held in by a rope-net type thing, and often, that was all that was holding them in. Seriously, if the netting was cut... Let's just say there would be cow remains everywhere. At one point, I actually saw a truck that was so full of cows, some of their feet weren't even on the truck bed...

After an hour's drive in the car, we ended up in Udon. (can't spell, or pronounce the rest of the name), a city that dwarfs Kanthaluk. It's like what Seattle is to Wenatchee. Or, maybe, Washington D.C. to Wenatchee... Anyways, Gift finally told me that while they weren't actually related to the dead individual, Khun Mae and Khun Pa had known them, and all their relatives were going. We showed up at the site (basically a store on the side of a very busy road), walked around, and got back in the car with two of their relatives. "So... What just happened? Where are we going now?" I was thoroughly confused. "Oh, the dead body left." Wait, WHAT? "We missed the funeral?" I asked incredulously. Gift nodded. We dropped the relatives off somewhere, and basically spent a few hours walking around a mall, where we bought some pants for Gift, and a new hairdryer for me, as mine blew out two nights ago. (It was so hilarious. I actually had black stuff from the 'explosion' all over my hands.) At some point, I thought about the 8 exchange studens somewhere in this huge city, and I felt really bad for myself, that I couldn't experience all the larger-city excitement. I mean, there is really nothing to do in Kanthaluk, unless you like rice fields. But as I looked at my host parents and sister, I started to realize that I really, really like my host family, and I wouln't want to trade them in, just so I could be a little more entertained by living in a city. Then we went to eat lasongia, which Khun Pa was super excited about.

Actually, it ended up being pizza, noodles, and breadsticks (oh, how I love you, breadsticks...). While we were eating, I made an important discovery. Not only am I starting to get the gist of... communal eating (You thought I was going to say 'the language', I know... ;D) but I seem to drink more liquids then the whole family combined. I mean, I sort of knew this fact before, but this afternoon, I drank the equivalent of like two glass bottles of Coke (I have yet to see any other fountain drink...) while the rest of them took about a sip. This happens at every meal. I out-drink everyone. They all laugh and say that I always get full faster because I drink so much water and Coke, but I don't know how they survive on about a sip a day, as that's the most I'll ever see any of them drink.

On a final note, I would like to end with a curious incident. Two nights ago, I had a dream about Jerry Seinfeld, which was so hilarious, that I woke myself up by laughing. Let me rephrase. Most people wake themselves up by snoring too loud, or choking on their drool. I was laughing too loud. In my sleep. It's offical. I am going off my rocker. Sigh.

Here's to staying classy, laughy, and never saying dumb things ever again,
Anchelee