The Week In Review and OMG STOP DYING ALREADY

My First Pad-Thai Sighting (Only 15 baht. Muahahahaha)

Can you say, "This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen?"Because I can.

My M5.1 Classmate's recycle dress.

Well. One week of school down, a hell of a lot more to go. Sigh. This should fun (insert sarcasm here).

Monday started off with a bang, as I had a meeting with the principle (who frequently picked his nose, which I found quite amusing), my host dad, my rotary club president, my counselor and two English teachers (whose English, is sadly, lacking. I think I have a better chance of understand aliens). They told me that I was going to have to cut off my hair to my chin. New school regulations, and whatnot. So I cried. And they all looked horrified. They then proceeded to talk amongst themselves, while sending nervous glances my way, until my counselor finally turned to me and said, “Don’t worry! You can keep it for a month, and then tell us!” Ha. You think I’m going to befriend students 2 YEARS younger than me, decide that I want to be JUST LIKE THEM, and willingly CUT MY HAIR TO MY CHIN???? Ha, ha. But I tearfully nodded my head anyways. (In retrospect however, either it’s ‘go to school with a face lift, a flat, flat, head, and a dead-looking bushy tail at the back of it’ every day, or ‘cut my hair to my chin and look semi-human’. The latter is sounding rather appealing at the moment…). The rest of the school day, I can honestly say that I have no idea what went on.

I blindly followed my class of juniors (also called the ‘M 5.1’ class) all day wandering into building after building, and feeling disgustingly hot and sweaty. I think the largest difference here is that the teachers show up after class has ‘started’. Or they don’t. I didn’t have Math on Monday, because the teacher was gone. We just did whatever we wanted for an hour. (On Tuesday in English, the teacher left after 20 minutes or so.) There also aren’t any textbooks. Or whiteboards. Or computers/electronics of any kind, and the floor is so dirty that no one puts their backpacks on the ground. There is a large chalkboard in the front of the classroom that looks like it needs the chalk erased from it to read anything, except that it has been erased. There were computers in our 2 hour computer class on Monday, but we weren’t allowed to bring our backpacks or shoes into the room, and the door only opens from the inside. Oh, and it’s loud. Like, ‘My head will explode from this migraine if you don’t shut up now’ loud. The teachers don’t really care about the noise level, and they seem to joke around with the students a lot more than my American teachers did.

On Tuesday, The Annoying One (this one girl who won’t leave me alone. She seriously follows me everywhere and tells me about how she hates boys and wants to be a lawyer. She actually made me go to the library with her during the hour-long lunch and proceeded to read a book about law) asked me about what I had for breakfast. I told her I had some crackers and coffee. She gave an ‘Oh, my…’ look at the other girls sitting next to her, before saying, “Thai children don’t drink coffee. It makes us tired. You should drink something else in the mornings… Maybe milk? Yes, you should really drink milk.” I almost snorted and said, ‘over my dead decaying body will I believe that malarkey’. Instead, I told her that I was allergic to milk and all other forms of drink just weren’t around my house. Then during another class she told me that my future host bro, Kitti, was ‘…A bad boy. A bad bad boy.’ I personally think he’s pretty hilarious and fun to talk to so I just shrugged and said, ‘I think he’s funny’ to which she just repeated, ‘he bad boy.’ Grrrr. Hmm… what else… I fell asleep during a 2 hour class at the end of the day, which I thought was about gardening but apparently was like a career class or something. The teacher woke me up and gave me a piece of gum.

On Wednesday, the same thing happened. I had no idea what I was going on. But I did, however, have a four hour Thai lesson with the Chinese Teacher. Who I couldn’t understand. I learned 8 consonants out of 44. In four hours. Sigh.

On Thursday, well… Nothing went on. This week, however, I think I have introduced myself to more classrooms than people who tour professionally. And the sad thing is most of the students don’t understand half of what I say, even though I’m speaking at a rate that even sloths would fall asleep to.

Side note: Oh yeah, one more thing. I’m hot and popular. How could I forget? Most students are too shy to even talk to me; they just look at me, make eye contact and then giggle, look at each other and then rush past me, like I’m going to bite them. But those that aren’t shy, come up to me and say things like, “Where you from? What your name? You very beautiful! What color are your eye? You eyes is so beautiful!” Uh… What do I even say to the last one? “Thanks. When I walked into the eye color department of the uterus, they were all out of brown, so I picked these….” It’s such a weird compliment…. And at lunch, it’s essentially me, walking to buy food and being stared at. Me, walking back over to my table, being stared at. Me, tripping on the step up to my table. And being stared at… This girl actually came up to me and said, “Your nose… Big… You very beautiful.” Uh… Thanks? I think? Even the teachers chatter Thai at me, and then end with “My name is, [insert very long complicated name that sounds like a disease]… You very beautiful!” Shoot, I could probably put a paper bag over my head with holes so I could breathe, and people would come up to me and say, “You bag… Very beautiful… What color you bag?” Hahaha.

On Friday, I skivved off all my classes, which was probably a good thing as I fell asleep during Heath and Math on Thursday. (I woke up with a line on my face from the book I was sleeping on in Math. In my defense, everyone sounds like the Sims on my PC game and after 7 hours of it… well… I kind of want to die.) Anyhoo, I found a copy of ‘The Bangkok Post’ in English in the English Department and a choir of angels descended from above and sang the Hallelujah chorus. It was glorious. I read it for 3 hours, sporadically introducing myself to more classes, and then I went to the Science Fair. It was the peppiest Science Fair I have ever been to. There was a rock band. The school has a rock band. That won awards. They were incredible and it was SO awesome. The girls were screaming as they sang (uh… hello? Yeah, I kind of want to have my hearing when I’m in the old folk’s home…), and they screamed even more when I walked to the front and sat down. The lead singer told me he loved me. (Oh man, I so belong here.) Next, there was a fashion show of dresses made from recycled materials, such as plastic bags, bottles, and bottle lids. These dresses were incredibly ornate. In some instances, I wouldn’t have ever known they were made out of trash if I had seen them on the street. I couldn’t believe my eyes for the whole fashion show. During the show, there would be breaks here and there, where students and a few teachers would go up and sing karaoke and the audience would roar with laughter/song/screams and give them money. All in all, it was a surprising day.

And finally, maybe it’s the season for the Grim Reaper, or maybe he just likes warm weather, because I was about to go crash in my room Tuesday night, when Gift told me that actually, I needed to go change into something black, because we were going to… surprise, surprise… a funeral. I didn’t even question her. I just put on my black sweat gear (soo routine by now, you know…). Seriously though, these people are dropping like flies. Actually scratch that; faster than flies. We passed a funeral, on the way to the funeral. And, well, since it was another funeral, need I say more? At this one there were plenty of tiny, squishable old ladies, some monks, lots of food, a box with the body (this time slightly more regular sized), and lots of incense, per usual. Yawn. Time for a wedding, don’t you think? I mean, the movie title is ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’ not ‘100 Funerals and a chanting Monk’. I have all this white that I’m never going to wear because it seems I will always be changing from my school uniform into my Funereal Outfit and back again. Oh, woe is me.

Counting down the days until someone else kicks the bucket,

Anchelee

A Smattering of Really Random Inconsequential Things I Did and Ate This Week

So... it's summer vacation here. Well, for Gift and at the moment, for me as well. Which, means one thing: boredom. I'm starting to figure out that just because I up and move halfway around the world , doesn’t mean that I’m going to be any less bored than I was at home. Seriously. The only difference here is that I sweat when while downloading music. (Yikes. I suddenly have this picture in my mind that I will actually turn into Bridget Jones, but a smaller, more pathetic version, because they would have thrown me in jail for illegally downloading Enrique Iglasias songs. Sigh. Then I wouldn’t be singing 'Like A Virgin' to my cell mates, but instead a very horrid rendition of 'The Ping Pong Song'….)

Anyhoo, I have been so bored in fact, that I have read enough Harry Potter Fan Fiction (HPFF, as we die-hards fondly call it) to fill all the World Encyclopedias and then some. I really don’t think I’ve ever read this much in my entire life. And it’s not even credible. I spend so much time looking at my computer screen, that when I finally close my eyes to go to sleep late, late, LATE into the night, it’s just as bright behind my eyelids as it was looking at the actual monitor. It’s really starting to effect me. I don’t even connect with any of the characters or the storylines anymore. I just read a chapter. Click. Read another chapter. Click. Get pissed because the author hasn’t updated and angrily click away to find another equally mind-numbing story. The only good ones, I have found, are written by British People (on my second day here, we were talking about nationalities, and I made a comment about “The British People” which caused the host family to burst into a fit of giggles…) so it’s logical that I am starting to talk like one. I catch myself muttering things like “blimey” and “bleeding” and “sodding” as I walk back and forth between the kitchen and my room, and I really won’t be surprised, when, in a few days, I’ll plunk down to watch a few minutes of P’king’s Thai TV series, and turn to him and gush, “Gosh. Isn’t he a dish?” DISH?? What kind of complement IS that?? “Wow, yeah, that dish is great, but I much prefer the bowl over there… Oh, you’re a fork sort of person?” Blimey. (Gah. There I go again. I wasn’t even planning that one. It just sort of typed itself out.) I finally realized on Tuesday though, just how truly pathetic it is that I mope about, reading these silly stories. I got so bored that I started reading the reviews of the chapters when I noticed that one of the reviewers wrote something to the effect of, “I laughed out loud at that part, and risked waking my sleeping daughter in the next room…” AAAAHHHH. Next thing you know, I’ll be 80 years old, sneaking away from BINGO night, to hide from my caretaker in my handicap bathroom so that I can catch up on a few precious “chappies” of the new Sirius/OC story. Sigh. I really need to find a new hobby.

So, the next day, I found some super-deep philosophical blogs (which I still can’t really wrap my mind around) and I downloaded a few podcasts from ‘This Week In Science’ (this show greatly satisfies the inner-geek I never knew I had, it’s just that cool), hoping to counteract my stupid unproductively, with deep, meaningful unproductively. Do I still feel unproductive? Oh, 100%. But do I feel a little bit smarter? Yes, even though no one will be able to understand me and/or care when I rush outside and tell them that 90% of all U.S. money has traces of cocaine on it. So, in hindsight actually, maybe I’m better off reading HPFF…

At any rate, I decided to move on to other things. Well, kinda (now I just go to bed at 11:30pm, instead of 12:00, reading HPFF). After taking a bunch of personality quizzes (I am a Bette Davis, and a Class Clown, among other things) I got bored once again, and so, I am now creating the Best Dance Mix Known To Man, for my one-woman dance party tonight (my floors are particularly brilliant for sliding with socks on). Yeah, when you have nothing better to do, just dance. My new motto.

Onto other things, like, what everybody else does with all this free time. Wait. Gift does the same thing, except she plays games like 'Diner Dash' and 'Bake This As Fast As You Can'... P’king sits about all day, tending to something with the motel, I’m assuming, but all I ever see him doing is illegally downloading shows, movies, and music. Which, is, like all day. Did I mention he’s my hero? He is going to burn all 5 seasons of Lost for me, although I’d rather they be all 5 seasons of Alias. (Hmmm, that’s next. Must learn how to say, “Will you please burn this amazing show for me?”...) And the host parents, well, they work. So, they're doing work-related activites while we sit around and rot our brains in cyberspace... It's a pretty good (but slightly boring after hours and hours) deal.

Moving on, while I was eating a few days ago, my host mom mentioned that I could have milk for breakfast. Uh oh, I thought (secretly, of course), while I outwardly beamed and cheered. The milk here… Ahhh. I never want to drink milkshakes again! It tastes as if they milked a snake and dumped some shoddy flavoring in, to mask the nastiness. I did however drink something that looked a lot like milk the other day, in a small container. It was delicious. I asked Gift what it was and she mentioned something about "...being in English". I read the top. It said, “Fermented Milk”. I choked. Bullocks. I really shouldn't be surprised though. I mean, I like buttermilk so... Bring on the fermentation!

Later, we went to the supermarket. I chose some shirts to buy, and then the next moment, we were walking around large boxes filled with ice and dead fish. Practically at eye level. Just hanging out in the middle of the isle. The fin of one of the poor dead souls was hanging over the side. I fled, and hid amongst the chopped up chicken remains, that were also just suspiciously sitting there. Not packaged. On a brighter note, I did find some pound cake. Upon further inspection though, the pound cake here looks about as convincing as a fake Chanel bag made by a blind person would.

So. After dinner one night, I was sitting there drinking my warm soy milk, and eating my pound cake, while Khun Mae chowed down on something that was green and looked suspiciously like something my mom grows in the living room. I was absent-mindedly humming along with one of P’king’s TV shows and drinking the soy , when my host mom suddenly said, “in Thailand….You sing… While eat… Get…Old…Husband….” I choked down my drink, because apparently, that's what I do around here. “WHAT?? Are you saying I have to marry an old guy??” She laughed and laughed and laughed, “So, like a month from now, you’re going to sell me to some 90 year-old??” She continued to laugh hysterically before saying, “Pud lin!” (I’m kidding!) Even so, the rest of the meal it was suspiciously quiet on my side of the table.

Speaking of eating etiquette, we use only forks and spoons. I know, what happened to the knives, right?? The good ‘ol handy knife?? Obviously, I underappreciated it while in the U.S., because now I’m stuck trying to saw my food in half with my dull spoon. (While they all laugh away… Obviously.) It’s especially hard with the noodles. I tried spinning them around my fork, while still in the broth, but my host mom shook her head and showed me how to lift some noodles up, saw them off with my spoon, put them in my spoon and then eat them. It takes me just as long to catch some noodles with my fork, as it does to saw them off. I’m not even going to mention trying to eat them, because I rearly succeed. By the end of lunch, I sadly still had a bowl full of noodles, but this time, they were all sawed into little pieces. I would take a meaningful spoonful and just end up slurping broth. Sigh. Somewhere in the middle they told me that the soup we ate was Vietnamese. Ha. Haha. No wonder it was edible.

Also, while I was eating said Vietnamese food, I was secretly hacking the bits of meat off of the cartalidge, all under the broth, you see, as to be discreet. Khun Mae immediately figured it out though and made motions like I should eat the whole thing. “But, I am. I am just hacking the meat away from this cartilage here, because I hate the crunching noise it makes and how it tastes when I bite down on it.” She didn’t understand me, and continued to make the motions. I sighed. And ate the whole bloody thing. They laughed when they saw the pained look on my face. I just tried not to think about eating a small child.

Before I went to bed on like Wednesday (maybe), Khun Mae motioned to the mashed-up-spicyness-of-death that she puts on her rice, (and frequently places on mine) and said, “Before…You go… You eat.” I laughed. “No way! You would have to cut my mouth out! I love my mouth!” She laughed.

Last night, I got the shock of my life. Khun Mae told me that it was actually Thursday. Which I did not believe at all. You see, I had been looking at the September calander and therefore thought that the 24th was next Thursday. I also, it seems, forgot to program my computer to the right time zone, so that also didn't help at all. Yeah, it was a HUGE mind-blowing experience when I was finally forced to realize that Saturday (tomorrow) is my Rotary meeting, and that I'm actually starting school on Monday. So, it was a long borning week of nothing, but I'm kinda sad it's ending so soon. I mean, next week has the potential to be as boring because I won't be able to understand anything, but at least this week, I wasn't being oogled at (in a really weird way) because of what I look like.

And last, but not least. Gift told me that students who come to Thailand generally loose weight. Hallelujah!! Now, stop feeding me that delicious fried chicken that you buy from that suspicious looking woman at that, *cough*, not necessarily sanitary booth at that late night market thing!!

Dancing the night away,
Anchelee

2 Funerals, A School Uniform, and Cows in Trucks

The host 'rents...

Well, I never thought this day would come. I have officially attended a funeral in sweats and a T-shirt. My, "Math Puns are the first Sine of Insanity" t-shirt, to be precise. Whoot-whoot. Go me. Another point for Thailand. Which, by the way, is currently kicking my ass...

See, Gift and I were sitting around (She was creating an Avatar; I was reading Harry Potter Fan Fiction) when my host dad came in, said something and motioned somewhere. Gift nodded and got up, preparing to leave the room. “Uh, where are you going?...” She looked at me, and said very casually, “A funeral.” WHAT. “Uh… What?? Like, a funeral. Like, for dead people…” I was so surprised I almost busted out laughing. She nodded, but I still thought she was kidding. “So…Who died?” “My cousin’s Grandmother.” “Your cousin’s… grandma?” “Yeah.” “Okay. Well, what should I wear?” “Black,” She nodded, “All black.” Whoops. “Um… I don’t have any black.” She looked incredulous, “You don’t have any black?” (Like hell I brought black! I thought, your country is hot enough to poach eggs on the street! You think I’m going to walk around wearing BLACK?? Ha.) On second thought though… I dug around my measly wardrobe and came up with the sweats and the shirt. The family approved, but I still felt underpar. I mean, I was going to a funeral dressed in something I would otherwise workout it. Oh, and my white Nike slip-ons because I didn't have any black shoes... Geez. I sure know how to pack...

As it turned out though, what I was wearing was not a big deal at all. I don't think anyone in Thailand has much black. The actual funeral itself, was a very distinct mix of ornate and modern day electronics. There were monks chanting/praying (I have a feeling that by the end of this exchange, I will roll my eyes, scoff and mutter, 'Monks...' under my breath everytime I see one. Seriously, they are EVERYWHERE here. But I digress...) and there were also huge speakers blasting Thai music. There was a very ornate box (the 'coffin' if you will), covered in christmas lights, incense burning, and large embellished cotten-looking decorations hanging from the wall, still wrapped in plastic wrap (Gift told me afterwards that the family will burn them). During dinner, (where apparently my reputaion as a spice-wimp proceeded me, as they made me my own personal platter of non-spicy pork. Oh, joy.) I examined the huge metal box with the carvings all over it, and turned to my host mom and asked if the body was in there. She nodded. "Yes, but how did they fit her in there... Did they fold her up, or something?" (Sigh. Yes, I actually said that.) She laughed, "We... small..." Oh. Duh. Obviously, the cuz's gram fit in the ridiculously tiny box. Only in a land where I am as tall or taller than most of the men, and the little old ladies are dwarves, would this happen. At any rate, this event occured on Friday night.

Saturday, we went to get my school uniform. I slipped the skirt and blouse on and walked out of the dressing room, after sweating most of my water weight off. They all laughed. Seriously? I thought. I mean, I knew I looked like a bloated secretary, but laughter? I looked down at myself. Okay, it was kinda funny. I learned a few moments later though, that they were laughing because the skirt was inches too short. It came to my knees, when it was supposed to fall on my calves. When I was changing back out of it, I noticed that everything I tried on was all 'XL' or, like, the largest size they had there. Note to all females: If you have body confidence issues, do NOT buy clothes in Thailand. You will feel, and look, like the Jolly Green Giant.

This morning, Khun Mae banged on my door at 9:30. I crawled out of bed and slinked to the door, peering out into the heat and sunshine. She basically told me I had 30 min. to shower and change because we were going. Only, not in so many words. It was mostly motioning and I really had no idea what she was saying. At 9:45, we were loaded into the car. "Uh, Gift, where exactly are we going? No one will tell me..." She looked at me. "A funeral." This time, I actually laughed. "What?? Someone else died?? Does this happen often??" (While I was secretly thinking, Geez. The people over here are dropping like flies...) This time, I was wearing dark blue jeans and a white top. I had claimed my black clothing was dirty, before. Which, was half true.

I would like to inturrupt my tale for a moment, and talk about a curious sight I kept wittnessing on our drive. Cows in trucks. It must be the season to transport cows, because there were literally, cows in trucks. We must have passed about a dozen of these regular-sized (sometimes smaller) trucks, with the sides built up, and stuffed full of cows. They were held in by a rope-net type thing, and often, that was all that was holding them in. Seriously, if the netting was cut... Let's just say there would be cow remains everywhere. At one point, I actually saw a truck that was so full of cows, some of their feet weren't even on the truck bed...

After an hour's drive in the car, we ended up in Udon. (can't spell, or pronounce the rest of the name), a city that dwarfs Kanthaluk. It's like what Seattle is to Wenatchee. Or, maybe, Washington D.C. to Wenatchee... Anyways, Gift finally told me that while they weren't actually related to the dead individual, Khun Mae and Khun Pa had known them, and all their relatives were going. We showed up at the site (basically a store on the side of a very busy road), walked around, and got back in the car with two of their relatives. "So... What just happened? Where are we going now?" I was thoroughly confused. "Oh, the dead body left." Wait, WHAT? "We missed the funeral?" I asked incredulously. Gift nodded. We dropped the relatives off somewhere, and basically spent a few hours walking around a mall, where we bought some pants for Gift, and a new hairdryer for me, as mine blew out two nights ago. (It was so hilarious. I actually had black stuff from the 'explosion' all over my hands.) At some point, I thought about the 8 exchange studens somewhere in this huge city, and I felt really bad for myself, that I couldn't experience all the larger-city excitement. I mean, there is really nothing to do in Kanthaluk, unless you like rice fields. But as I looked at my host parents and sister, I started to realize that I really, really like my host family, and I wouln't want to trade them in, just so I could be a little more entertained by living in a city. Then we went to eat lasongia, which Khun Pa was super excited about.

Actually, it ended up being pizza, noodles, and breadsticks (oh, how I love you, breadsticks...). While we were eating, I made an important discovery. Not only am I starting to get the gist of... communal eating (You thought I was going to say 'the language', I know... ;D) but I seem to drink more liquids then the whole family combined. I mean, I sort of knew this fact before, but this afternoon, I drank the equivalent of like two glass bottles of Coke (I have yet to see any other fountain drink...) while the rest of them took about a sip. This happens at every meal. I out-drink everyone. They all laugh and say that I always get full faster because I drink so much water and Coke, but I don't know how they survive on about a sip a day, as that's the most I'll ever see any of them drink.

On a final note, I would like to end with a curious incident. Two nights ago, I had a dream about Jerry Seinfeld, which was so hilarious, that I woke myself up by laughing. Let me rephrase. Most people wake themselves up by snoring too loud, or choking on their drool. I was laughing too loud. In my sleep. It's offical. I am going off my rocker. Sigh.

Here's to staying classy, laughy, and never saying dumb things ever again,
Anchelee

Happy, uh... Mother's Queen's Birthday Day and a Short Commentary on Food/Communication

So today in Thailand it was Mother's Day. Or actually, I should say the Queen's Birthday. Therefore, everyone celebrates Mother's Day, and all government places and places that sell liquor are closed in honor of the Queen. Or mothers. But I'm pretty sure it's just for the Queen. Anyhoo, was made to go to a ceremony honoring the Queen where there was about a room and a half full of people (people employed by the government, I'm assuming) all dressed in their white, khaki and blue uniforms. (Basically everyone looked militaristic. I looked around for the missiles and such, but all I got were a couple of monks, and a huge picture of the Queen adorned in christmas lights.)

It was a fairly long ceremony, in which everyone in the room proceeded to go up to the Queen's picture in groups and bow, each offering something that looked a lot like a mexcian wedding cake. I passed the time by staring at the light fixtures, and crossing my legs, and then remembering that its considered impolite here, and quickly slamming both feet down on the floor. Oh, and thinking I would like to be Queen as well, just so I could have a whole country celebrate me. For two hours. After, I got to meet the mayor and other high ranking officials of the town, which made me feel very important. Until I looked at the pictures in the car afterwards. There's the mayor, some other important people, Gift, a few members of my Rotary Club here, and then...there's me. Sweaty, greasy....me. If anyone ever wondered before, that's what you get when you combine a very hot, humid morning and a dark blue blazer. Sigh. Maybe I'll just photoshop another picture in... Like, my senior picture. And give myself Jessica Alba's body...

At any rate, nothing else of huge importance has been going on lately. I don't start school until the 24th, and Gift is on vacation now as well, so we don't really do much, except sit around and eat chocolate. Well, we watched practically a whole season of 'Weeds'... so I guess that's something. Oh, and I bought a cell phone. We went to the local Walmart-esq store, where Gift was walking around the counters of cell phones commenting on there being a camera in this one, a music player in that, and a radio in this. When I made a comment a few moments later, saying how I didn't really care which phone I got, Gift looked aghast. "Well," I pointed out, "I already have an iPod, and a camera, and it's not like I can understand the radio or anything." I snickered, "Plus, who am I going to call anyways? I don't have any friends. Mostly, I'll just be calling my parents." She just looked at me. Sigh. We ended up with a phone that has a camera, a music player and a talking dictionary. The talking dictionary I'm pretty excited about...

On to food though. I have deemed it virtually impossible for me to get fattish in anyway during this exchange. (Hurrah!) It's just not possible. We eat two meals of rice + supplemental foods such as, well, I can't pronounce any of the names so never mind, a day. Actually, on second thought, scratch that. Gift told me the second day I got here, that one has to eat all the rice on one's plate. I always seem to forget this fact every time Pi Noi (Pu Ching, it turns out is not her name. Whoops.) loads my plate up with rice, and then it's not until I get full and stare sadly down at my plate (still loaded with rice) and remember. And curse myself. Sadly, the only way I've ever imagined getting fat is off of breads and candies, not rice. And pork. And other things I don't know about. Most of the things I eat here, I never know what they are; I just rank them on texture, color and taste. And spicyness. My host dad told me the other night that he is slowly staring to up the spice in my little separate wimp-bowls, something I definitely am not so sure about. I happen to like my taste buds. But it seems that I'm doomed to forever burn them off one night, just to have them grow back so I can burn them off the next. They also don't refrigerate their food here. When we're done eating, my host family puts the bowls of uneaten food back in the cupboard with the cups and silverware. Hmm... We sometimes eat leftovers, but what happens to the rest of the food is a mystery to me.

Speaking of mysteries, while it's hard to communicate in Thai, it's turning out to be equally hard communicating in English. Now for the following to work, you need to say all the oddly spelled words in quotations out loud, so as to grasp my confusion. Tonight, we had like a ten minute joke going about some sort of American food but I couldn't understand what on earth they were talking about. "Tomorrow, we have sapagtiii" Uh.... My host dad looked at me again, "Sapagtiii [the 'g' is extremely silent]" I smiled, "I have no idea what you're saying." He laughed, and my host mom laughed and they continued to repeat it, while I just looked at them. Hmmm... Sapagtii, sapagtii, sapagtii...Where have I heard that before? Oh, right, I haven't. I didn't grasp what was going on until someone said something about noodles... "Ohhhhh! Spaghetti! Right! Yes! Spaghetti!" I smiled, and they laughed even harder. "Sapaghet-EEEE" They repeated and laughed and laughed. "Yes, Spaghetti. What's so funny?" "Sapaghet-EEEE!! Hee hee hee! Sapaghet-EEEE!!! Ha ha ha ha!" They continued to chant. I repeated what they were saying, but I added the Chinese tourist 'peace signs' and squinted. I thought they were going to roll off the benches they were laughing so hard. God, my life is hilarious....

Until later---
Anchelee

Of Crazy Arrival-ness and a New Life

Well its been a crazy few days. What with the flight, Bangkok, the food, a long car ride, a crazy language that sounds like jibberish at best, and new *ahem* attire rules, its really hard to keep everything straight. It's kind of like an out-of-body experience. It hasn't really settled totally that I'm here for a whole year yet. I keep expecting to turn a corner and see my parents or Maddy or someone familiar and to realize that it's just a vacation. A very taxing vacation.

So basically, I flew in on Friday night/early Saturday morning, was collected by my family, and taken to their tiny town house. The next morning I had dried shredded pork (Gift told me that it was snake, and I died a little inside. She was kidding, of course) and then we went and ate breakfast on a boat, after passing some slums. During breakfast, (right after Khun Mae [mom] chucked something overboard) I unknowingly took a bite of something that looked a lot like grilled chicken off of what I assumed to be an "American" platter. I thought I was going to die. I really did. The fire in my mouth was like the one in California, but in my mouth. My family laughed and laughed at me as I chugged a coke and franticly dug around my other dish for noodles and these weird crunchy things. At some point, I wanted to throw up, but somehow refrained. Then I found out that the fire-chicken was actually “not very spicy” and then I proceeded to watch my host brother dump a bunch of red flakes and some very dangerous looking peppers on his noodles. It looked like the devil was on his plate. We determined that I don’t do spicy. At all. After, we drove about an hour (traffic here is nuts) to Bangkok, where we proceeded to walk around about 4 or 5 large malls. Huge, in fact. Gift told me that one of them was the most luxurious in all of Thailand. I, of course, looked like a dirty hippy at this point, and when she said that, I was taken with a sudden urge to shout, "I showered this morning! I swear! I can't help that I sweated all my makeup off by standing outside for a few minutes!" Ah, well. What's new I suppose. At any rate, these malls were INSANE. There was so much of everything everywhere... It didn't take long until I wanted to hide in a hole with my Culture Shock, Jet Lag, and dirtiness. I think the strangest incident of the day though, had to be passing these little kids, sometimes with their moms, sometimes not, basically sitting on the skywalks between the malls, looking for pity money. There was even this guy with no feet. We walked around his stubs. Oh, and I met one of Gift's friends (we're the same age) who did the Thai voice-over for Harry Potter in the 5th movie. And Lion King too. My mouth, like, fell on the floor when I found out but apparently in Thailand, this is no big deal.

The next day (Sunday) I woke up late, and ended up rushing around, as we were going to leave Bangkok for Kantralak. We ate breakfast (tried dried fish skin. sick.) and then we dropped one host brother off at Bangkok U and then proceeded to drive 7 or so hours home. During which I mostly started out the window marveling at the difference in cows, and wondering when we were going to die (tangent: these people are crazy drivers! No one wears seatbelts, and they basically use their horns to navigate, driving all over the road). When we got to Kantralak, it was nothing like what I was expecting. I still can't even put my finger on it, but my family lives at the motel my Khun pa owns, which basically means that I get to have my own little room/bath across from the garage. It's a pretty sweet setup. Another huge difference here, is that apparently I can't wear shorts and tank tops outside of the motel. It's about 85° degrees here every day, and shorts and tank tops happen to be all that I basically brought. Grrr. No wonder the maid, Pu Ching, was laughing to herself as she hung up my tank tops.

Yesterday, we pretty much hung around the motel all day. At about 4-ish we went to go visit my counselor, who turned out not to be my counselor (which will work to my advantage, because he spoke, like, no english). We got the misunderstanding sorted out, however, and went to go meet my new counselor, Khun Kim, who knows english, and is very nice. After, on the drive home, Gift told me that I was the only exchange student at my school of 3,000 students..."Which is a good thing, because then you'll learn Thai more. Last year there were 3 exchange students, and they spoke english way too much, which was not good." This, however did not help me, and my urge to burst into tears overroad my excitement at driving past an elephant walking down the street. I am the only exchange student in all of Kanthaluk, where most people don't speak a word of english. That was a pretty low point in my day yesterday. An hour later, they dragged my misery-laden ass to a family celebration; it was Khum Mae's mother's brother's birthday. So, basically her uncle. Pretty impressive, and still more impressive, was that he was actually a fully functioning individual. The whole family was there, and it didn't take me long to shake off my "I'm all alooonnneee!" mood, as they were all very welcoming, even though none of them spoke english. There were also monks at this party, praying "for luck", as my brother Pa King told me. He dragged me inside and dumped me, where I proceeded to spend the better part of an hour watching monks pray and clumsily pressing my forehead to the ground. Surprisingly, I did feel better afterwards. Later that evening, Khun pa took Gift and I to his resturant, where we sang karaoke and where my rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" got me 200 baht (about $6) in tips.

All-in-all, there have been grand moments here in Thailand so far (trying to learn the Thai alphabet with my host mom), and really low moments (learning I have to wash my underwear in the sink). And while I try to keep it positive, sometimes all I want to do is cry and scream "Get me outta here!". Ah, well. For better or for worse, I'm staying put.

Until Later---
"Anchelee" (My new Thai nick-name. Lol. I think it makes me sound like a seashell.)

P.s. I really want to thank Rotary for entrusting this mission to me, Richard and Robin DeRock, for being amazing, and everyone and anyone for all their support!